introspection of late

i've been thinking about a lot of things lately. here is a peek into my brain.

love: is there really a moment in a relationship when you have an epiphany and are like OMFG I LOVE YOU? initially i thought this, but as my idealizations became more realistic, i began to think that it's more of an ebb/flow (ie- sometimes you're really into your partner and sometimes you're not but underneath everything there's this deep connection/comfortableness/trust/caring and THAT is love). now, i'm not really sure but am still leaning towards the latter.

is it that you can click with someone so well, be attracted to him/her, and just feel RIGHT together but that not be enough? i suppose so, just hadn't thought of it.

it's SO EASY to be blinded in a relationship and do things/become the type of person you told yourself you wouldn't. pet peeves regarding couples: being overly coupley in public, becoming too clingy/not having your own lives, becoming exclusive/spending all your time together, (on the same note) limiting time with other friends to spend time with your partner, etcetc. and yes, i fell into doing all of these. how did that happen?

why are all of the songs i listen to slow & predominantly about love either lost or lusted after?

i didn't realize one could ever feel such deep emotional pain. but also underestimated the power of social support/showers/tea/sleep/nudie dance parties for one in my apt. EMPOWERMENT.

i don't regret anything that's happened and am also excited to relearn/rediscover how to be ME/whole/content with that, expand my support network/reconnect with people, and make the most out of my time in Japan.

boyfriends are great for extra warmth in the winter time (esp. when you don't have central heating) and for motivating you to cook when you live alone. but not necessary. kind of like colorful sprinkles on birthday cakes.

why is it so easy to think irrationally and engage in self-torture?

time heals and whatever but it seriously needs to hurry the eff up and improve the effectiveness of its healing properties.

note to self: post-breakup people just want to be distracted. when comforting someone, just keep blabbing about whatever the hell you want b/c it's nice to not be consumed with your own overanalytical thoughts.

stop thinking about the what ifs and whys because sometimes there is no concrete, satisfactory answer. and it'll just consume you and drive you insane. so don't do that.

when life gives you lemons, make lemon bars. literally. they're delicious and smell good and will make you smile.