sometimes i feel like i'm living in a parallel universe

time for some introspection.

being on JET is an interesting medium between college life and the so-called "real world". it's easy to view this time in Japan as sort of taking a break from my "actual life" to be in this weird reality in which I live & corrupt the minds of high school students in Japan.

sometimes when i'm alone in my apartment, or inevitably walking to/from a train station, or thinking deeply profound thoughts (jk!), my mind starts to wonder (re: worry) about the big black hole of uncertainty that is my future. without going into detail, all of the beasties that are my insecurities pop their little heads up and gnaw away at my mental/emotional sanity until i can't take it anymore and crawl back into the comfort of living in denial that i'm going to have to "grow up" at some point and figure out what i want to do with my life and what it will take to get there.

i don't know, i've always been so focused on the next step and "the plan": graduate from high school, go to college, start career, maybe marry, maybe persuade one of the sisters to be the surrogate mother to my children, retire, travel, die. but apparently life is not this simple and now that i've passed through the last concrete step in the plan (go to/graduate from college), i don't really know where to go from here.

thus, the new plan: live in the moment.

i've realized that even though this feels like an alternate reality and not really a part of what i conceptualize as my 'normal life', THIS IS MY LIFE. i'm in japan. i'm living and teaching and loving and enjoying and i should start appreciating it while i can because it's not going to last forever. this is quite a challenge when you want to control every aspect of your life but for my own sanity and peace of mind, i'm trying harder to NOT overanalyze situations/peoples' behaviors and, in the words of a very wise & equally adorable taiko instructor, "don't think, just do".

so now, because of my love of post-it notes (i think my life would fall apart without post-its/to-do lists/planners. like literally, i would collapse & wither away from not knowing what to do with myself), i have a post-it on my laptop which reads:

.take a chance.

--BREATHE.

relax. gowiththeflow. don'toverthink. relax.

let it be.

life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

all good things are wild and free.

yes i'm not really sure why i'm writing all of this on the internet but there ya go.